None
Following the lead set by reality TV shows such as Big Brother and MTV’s Surreal Life, a consortium of video game developers are releasing a game featuring behind-the-scenes antics of popular video game mascots all living together under one virtual roof. It promises to be better than anything that stars Ron Jeremy.
Entitled No Gary Colemans Allowed, this game features an all-star cast of video game characters including Wario, Sonic, Lara Croft, Solid Snake, Rayman, Ecco, and Ms. Pac-Man, just to name a few. The premise is to put these prima donnas together and let them co-habitate, much like they would in real life – if they really existed.
Ever wonder what kind of a jerk Wario would be to Link from the Zelda series when Link refuses to drink beer, smoke cigars, and ogle girls with him? Imagine how Lara will act when she’s in competition with Ms. Pac Man for the affections of Sam Fisher? How about the freak-out at the supper table when Ecco learns that fish and chips are on the menu? It’s even explained to him that since he’s a dolphin, he’s actually a mammal and not a fish, but it does little to stimulate his appetite for former friends.
No Gary Colemans Allowed is played in part like a simulation and a first-person shooter. You will choose a character and micromanage his or her day-to-day activity including eating, drinking, arguing, fighting, drinking, swearing, drinking, and making personal appearances at various car shows. At the end of a virtual week, a competition will be held. The winner will receive a gun and a couple of bullets to eliminate at least one annoying character from the house. If you’re not lucky enough to win the gun, then you’re only choice is to run through the corridors like a rat to avoid getting killed.
No Gary Colemans Allowed will actually feature the voiceacting of Gary Coleman, Adam West, the little dork that played Mini-Me, and of course that other loser that played Webster. Rumor has it that there’s an unlockable Gary Coleman shooting gallery mode available. The developers claim that it’s like a killing buffet. If you hate Gary Coleman and would like to shoot his digital doppelganger over and over and over, you’re going to love this mode. Remember, in this game there are no Gary Colemans Allowed, so if there is even one imagine of Gary Coleman left in this mode, you will be forced to wear a Gary Coleman mask which is the equivalent of a dunce cap.
No Gary Colemans Allowed will be made available exclusively for the Dreamcast. I bet you wish you hadn’t sold yours for twenty bucks.
*This article is presented as an exclusive Cheat Code Central feature titled “Are you dumb enough to believe this?” Please check back each Friday for the newest edition.