Recently Discovered Egyptian Tomb Was an Arcade*

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While digging through an ancient burial site in the Valley of the Kings, Egypt , archeologist, Lionel Mammory, made what some claim to be the discovery of the century. “Many of my friends think it’s more like the catch of the day, but I’m more of a positive thinker,” Mammory explains. “To imagine that the arcade was actually in existence more than four thousand years ago is simply mind boggling,” he says.

Located twenty feet below the surface of the sand, Mammory concludes that this was an ancient form of air conditioning. “When people’s minds are engaged, it can generate a lot of heat in places like that,” he says. The arcade chamber is approximately 20,000 square feet with vaulted ceilings and marble floors. “We found hieroglyphics on the wall of characters we believe to be Mario and Pac-Man, although they are wearing those crazy-looking Egyptian hats,” Mammory states. “Of course we didn’t find any video games or pinball machines,” he laughs, “Those would have been looted thousands of years ago by grave robbers and ancestors of Cheat Code Central staff members. We did find hundreds of electrical outlets where the machines were placed, as well as what appears to be counterfeit coins, or slugs, if you will, scattered all over the floor. They’re made of gold, so they are totally useless and worthless as they won’t work in today’s machines,” he adds.

“We also were able to decipher some of the hieroglyphics in the bathroom and found them to be addresses of girls that you would supposedly contact for a good time. All of the addresses that we checked out led us to piles of rubble. No girls at all. Probably someone’s idea of a bad joke,” laments Mammory.

In case you’re wonder why the name Lionel Mammory sounds familiar, it’s because he’s the guy that used to work at McDonalds. You know that guy that used to take the special orders out to the cars waiting at the special order parking stall? That was him. Until he took an archeological course that he found on the back of a pack of matches. “If it wasn’t for old things, I would still be the sweet Lionel that I’ve always been, instead of the tough, adventurer you see before you,” he says. “I’ve always loved video games and that song, King Tut, by Steve Martin. This career affords me the opportunity to combine my two true loves.”

Many of Mammory’s immediate friends and family say that he’s never been to Egypt , and that in fact, he’s never even been outside of his hometown. Local Baptist minister, Gurney Floms, had this to say about Mammory. “He’s a nice kid, but let’s face it, he’s a little slow. He wouldn’t hurt a fly but he used to train weasels to try to ride them to work. Did I mention he used to work at McDonalds? They promoted him to hamburger maker at once time, and he kind of got his pet weasels mixed up in that somehow. They had to let him go,” confides Floms.

All attempts to reach Mammory’s parents proved hilarious.

*This article is presented as an exclusive Cheat Code Central feature titled “Are you dumb enough to believe this?” Please check back each Friday for the newest edition.