CCC’s Feces Pieces*

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The world was in shock to learn that Mike Tyson’s would soon to be selling some of his most intimate belongings – namely his feces. People were shocked that Tyson could stoop even lower, but were more shocked to learn that there were already thousands of customers vying for a chance to earn the defamed boxer’s droppings. Not to be outdone, Cheat Code Central is now offering stool samples from some of the best game journalists in the world, albeit at a slightly reduced rate than Tyson’s.

CCC’s Feces Pieces will be made available online just in time for the Holiday shopping season. For the people that are hard to buy for or have everything, you can imagine the looks on their faces when they unwrap this most precious gift Christmas morn. There’s nothing like having a piece of your favorite game journalist by your side when slaying robots, jumping over chasms, or scoring the winning goal.

All proceeds from the sales of CCC’s Feces Pieces will go toward a charity for the homeless, so that one day they may have the luxury of their own private toilet. For every dollar spent, one penny will go toward the charity. The remainder of the monies will be distributed among the CCC staff so that they can always be assured that they will never be afflicted with homelessness.

“This is a great idea,” says game journalist Cole Smith. “I live in Canada where we don’t have indoor plumbing. I used to have to pay to have a truck come once a month and remove the waste from my outhouse. Now people will actually pay me to remove it. And the way I hit those buffet tables, I’ll probably be able to retire in a few months,” Smith mused.

All stool samples are hermetically sealed and come with an adjustable vent window to vary the intensity of the odiferous fragrances that will permeate the surroundings. The various gaming journalists will offer a plethora of different sights and smells. Matt Walker’s leavings are renowned for their powerful garlic and beer smell, while Amanda K’s leans more toward a floral and wine bouquet. The mighty D’Marcus is revered for his “bricks” which have the consistency of concrete, making them perfect for throwing at the TV screen during those frustrating moments in gaming.

All participating gamers have been outfitted with special gaming platforms that allow them to review their games while sitting upon the throne. The toilets are outfitted with a special solid-waste catcher which is picked up daily and sorted at a special feces-treating plant. With this system, they can produce product all day and night.

CCCs Feces Pieces makes the perfect gift. Special, limited commemorative leavings will be available for special occasions. They will be framed, numbered, autographed, and will include a certificate of authenticity, in addition to a photo of the gaming journalist posing with his or her own treasured waste.

*This article is presented as an exclusive Cheat Code Central feature titled “Are you dumb enough to believe this?” Please check back each Friday for the newest edition.