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The terms, “idiot” and “moron” were not originally meant as insults, but were used to describe the level of impairment of a person’s intellect. Similarly, the term, “management,” was once used to describe someone in between an idiot and moron. Since such time, these terms have degraded to little more than hurtful slang, often directed at those less fortunate – or as they were originally known as, idiots and morons. It’s no longer politically correct to use these terms, although “management” is still with us. Some things are just too powerful and endearing to change.
Developers and especially cheat code creators, have long identified a demographic that is comprised of the mentally and intellectually challenged. Even the easiest of normal games can frustrate them, as they have an entirely different thought process. Even among the intellectually impaired, the level of impairment differs greatly. Up until now, a game developed specifically for this market would have been prohibitively expensive, due to the variety and relatively small demographic for each game.
“We simply could not make different games to accommodate the varying levels of impairment,” Edwin Milf, director of MindGames, explains. “That is until now. Through extensive research on brain activity and the astounding progress in artificial intelligence, one game can now be adapted for a multitude of intellectually impaired individuals.”
The video game in question is called Coffee at Bob’s, and it involves all kinds of challenges including social interaction, ordering the right item off the menu, paying with correct change, and getting the food and drink into the right orifice. All these tasks must be completed within a strict time limit. Mistakes accumulate in the Psycho Meter. When it’s filled, the player is then able to release his anxiety in a horrifying display of pent-up rage. Players can choose to use weapons such as knives, machineguns or bombs, or hand-to-hand combat if they feel like getting their hands dirty.
Up to five different selectable levels of impairment will be available in this game. Psychologist Level is the easiest. Its purpose is not to confound or upset the majority of girls that didn’t know what to do with their life and wasted their time in University pursuing a useless degree in psychology. All they have to do is enter their name correctly on the menu and the game will play itself. Tradesperson, sports fan, paranormal enthusiast, and game reviewer round out the other four impairment difficulty levels. “It’s important to note that these categories are just general guidelines. For example, we know that in the sports fan category, NASCAR race lovers are far more stupid than those that watch synchronized swimming,” Milf states.
The gameplay at Coffee at Bobs, is a mix of coffee, sweat, smarts, and blood. “Plenty of blood,” Milf adds. “That’s the recipe for success – that, and some comical weasels that pop out of the garbage to occasionally shout out something rude. That’s the kind of thing that makes those kind of people laugh out loud – for whatever reason,” Milf adds. “Mentally disturbed people should be treated with kindness and respect, but deep down, we’re still scared they might just freak out and lose it on us at any time. We want this game to have that kind of feel to it.”
You don’t have to be an idiot or a moron to enjoy Coffee at Bobs – but no doubt you are for having read this article all the way to the end. The End.
*This article is presented as an exclusive Cheat Code Central feature titled “Are you dumb enough to believe this?” Please check back each Friday for the newest edition.