Real World Crazy Taxi*

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If you like driving vehicles, playing video games, making money, and you really enjoyed the game Crazy Taxi, then this news is going to drive you crazy.

Honda, Nintendo, and OnStar have teamed up and are developing a revolutionary new system that will allow people to operate a motor vehicle from the comfort of their own home. This virtual remote-control system opens up the possibility of chauffeuring fares in real-world locations anywhere on the planet, while at home or at the office.

Informally known as Crazy Taxi, this virtual driving system can be retrofitted to accommodate any late model vehicle. Vehicles will be fitted with a series of onboard cameras, a GPS, and a computer-controlled mechanical matrix that will override the vehicle’s operating systems such as steering, braking, and acceleration. Drivers at home will use a series of peripherals including a virtual steering wheel, floor pedals, and a series of joysticks. A virtual reality helmet is necessary to give the driver a 360-degree perspective, courtesy of the camera-equipped vehicle. The driver will have complete control over the vehicle, including the ability to roll down the window, change the radio station, and yell at the kids in the back to settle down.

Hundreds of American and Japanese businessmen that commute to work every day have expressed a great interest in this service. They want to be able to take care of business during their commute without having another person in the vehicle, or having that person wait for them all day for the return trip. This service will give them the luxury of reading the financial papers, using their laptops, making deals over the cell, and spending quality time with hookers.

New employment opportunities will be made available to the disabled, those that live in remote communities, and people that are too lazy to get dressed and go outside. It’s estimated that virtual drivers can make up to four or five hundred dollars a day by being able to remotely operate vehicles all over the world without any down time.

Virtual drivers will require a license that allows them drive in different countries where different rules of the road apply and they may have to get used to driving on the other side of the road in places like Europe and Jamaica . Drivers must remain sober, even if they are remotely operating at a local bar, which is entirely possible as all that is required is an internet connection to engage this system. To this end, random checks will be conducted at the locations of the various operators. Impaired virtual drivers will be punished according to the law of the country they are operating in. You can face a stiff fine and even imprisonment in North America , but in some Muslim countries, the penalty can be death, in which case the enforcement squad will carry out the penalty on the spot. “That’s just part of the fun of this job,” says a new enforcement agent that refuses to be named.

With the technology provided by the three major companies, Honda, Nintendo, and OnStar, the Crazy Taxi system is scheduled for test marketing in the summer of 2008. So far only five injuries and one death have been reported in relation to the development of the system. But spokesperson, Barb McMac says those stats are just the tip of the iceberg. She says that looking at this realistically, there will probably be thousands of lives lost at first, at least until everyone gets used to the system. Plans for virtually driven rescue vehicles, ambulances, and hearses are all in the works, McMac says.

*This article is presented as an exclusive Cheat Code Central feature titled “Are you dumb enough to believe this?” Please check back each Friday for the newest edition.