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In the year, 2008, all Wii gaming systems will operate in reverse. Totally backwards. It’s due to a programming glitch eerily reminiscent of the millenium computer bug that was predicted to wreak havoc on all computers and destroy the world economy on the eve of 2000.
The Wii glitch is blamed on a time code program that will run the entire system in reverse at the end of 2007. Games will start at the end, run backwards, and finish at the beginning. All music, dialogue, and scores will also be processed backwards. The glitch is blamed on the adoption of the Roman calendar and its numerical system which was used by Nintendo to standardize dates and times worldwide.
“It seems that using the Roman numerical system is the problem,” says leading research analyst Roland Gleeber. “It appears that the processor reads the name of the Wii in Roman numerals. It sees it as ten minus two, which equals eight. In Roman numerals, the V stands for five. But if you have two Vs, that stands for 10 minus. The processor then subtracts the two “ii” in the Wii title, and leaves us with an eight. The year 2008 is only known as 8 in computer language, and so when it reaches that number in the year code, it’s instructed not to proceed. Since it can’t proceed, it will go backwards. No one saw this coming,” confesses Gleeber, “until one of the guys accidentally reset his Wii to the year 2008. We were all horrified.”
Gleeber remains confident that a simple online download patch will resolve the problem, but it may take time to develop. “We’re not sure when it will be ready, but programmers are working 24/7 on this problem. We want to assure people that their Wiis are not in any danger. They will not become radioactive, nor will they be able to transport mad scientists back in time. We’ve tried that with staff members, and there are several lawsuits pending on the results,” concluded Gleeber.
Wii developers claim that the system will still be playable in the year 2008, but players will have to learn new techniques to adjust to the reverse-gameplay effect. For instance, enemies will have to be shot the instant they come back to life and pick themselves up off the ground. In an RPG, you’ll start as the king and have to get rid of your party members and try to end up as the lonely, confused, anime kid back the squalor of his skanky village. Races will seem like you’re looking out of your rearview mirror, and Nintendo will be known as Odnetnin.
Gleeber adds, “We’re just asking that in 2008, no one attempt to sing karaoke of any heavy metal songs. Backward Satanic lyrics and messages may be revealed, turning gamers into mindless, drooling, drones.”