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Spiders in Controllers*

Spiders in Controllers*

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Poisonous spiders have been found in video game controller made in Mexico and South American countries. So far no deaths have been reported but seven people in the United States, and three in Japan, were treated for potentially deadly bites. That number is expected to rise in the next few months due to systems purchased as Christmas presents.

By far the most vicious creature found in the controllers is the Clawskull Screaming Spider. This little monster lies in wait between the cracks of the buttons for a sweaty finger to pass by. Then it sinks its jagged fangs into the flesh and tears at it until it rips off a section, leaving the bone exposed. Those that have been attacked say the pain is unimaginable. Although it’s named the “Screaming Spider,” it’s incredible stealthy and silent. It’s the victim that does the screaming. You won’t know it’s there until part of your finger is missing.

Having video game components manufactured in Mexico and South American countries allows huge corporations to realize tremendous profits by taking advantage of the cheap labor wages. It’s not the manufacturing of the items, it’s the assembly that costs the most, in terms of wages for employees. It’s cheaper to pay for hundreds of employees in third-world countries than it is to invest in an automated robotic assembly plant. But those big savings can come at a big cost. Quality control is often seriously neglected.

Wendel Woolery, chairperson of Foreign Objects in Toys, says that insects encased in plastic toys is becoming an epidemic. He explains that when the plastic parts are set to cool down, spiders and other insects crawl inside because of the warmth. Workers then gather up the parts after they are cool enough to handle and assemble them without bothering to look for stowaways. He blames the oppressive working conditions and low pay for the employees’ negligence. He goes on to say that he wouldn’t be surprised if they were actually putting these creatures inside the controllers as a form of revenge against these more powerful and wealthy countries.

“Most of these workers can’t afford a game system,” says Woolery, “Some are still playing the old Ataris. In Mexico, these game systems are repackaged and sold as Bug-Free. They are huge sellers,” he explains. “But this phenomenon is not just confined to Mexico and South America. It’s my understanding that controllers made in the Middle East contained scorpions. Those made in Canada contained woodticks and mosquitoes. I even heard of one system containing a rabid weasel. Controllers made in China contained fortunes, like you would find in a fortune cookie. Very disturbing,” he adds.

To avoid being attacked by these potentially deadly creatures, it’s recommended that you wear hockey gloves when playing video games. It may be cumbersome, but it’s not easy playing a game with stumps either.


*This article is presented as an exclusive Cheat Code Central feature titled “Are you dumb enough to believe this?” Please check back each Friday for the newest edition.

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