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With the recent departure of Phil Harrison from Sony Computer Entertainment Worldwide Studios, the Japanese electronics corporation has suffered from a major identity crisis – a situation that Sony PR representatives have expertly concealed. However, their work has been all for naught as Kazuo Hirai, president and CEO of Sony Computer Entertainment International, has appointed Bill Gates to takeover in Harrison’s stead. In Jonathan Marx’s exclusive interview, Mr. Hirai seemed agitated by his reluctance to take the announcement seriously. After a series of haughty and shameful follow-up questions like “No, really…what’s new at Sony?” Followed by an extended period of awkward silence, Hiraisan quickly brandished an exquisite katana he had hidden somewhere inside his billowing pant leg. His look of agitation quickly turned to a wicked, remorseless grin that left our interviewer’s pants both wet and soiled. In one swift blow our correspondent’s head was severed from his body like the corpse of a common criminal outside a smithy’s forge in feudal Japan. Thankfully, an incoming call from Bill Gates on Hirai’s cellular prompted him to sheath his weapon, which lightened the mood in the news studio considerably. Hirai then proceeded to connect our former CEO Arty Hackery on a conference call as if to prove to the ignorant CCC staffers he wasn’t lying and to let us know exactly with whom we’re dealing. As such, we can confirm Bill Gates will be taking over as president of SCE Worldwide Studios. When asked why he decided to accept the position, Mr. Gates replied in a soft whimper “Because…it is my du…duty.”
On a side note, all of us here at CheatCC feel that Mr. Marx’s impudence was rightfully punished and we extend our sincerest apologies to the whole of Sony for any dishonor we may have caused to one of your leaders. His widow was quickly ordered to haul away his body, scrub our carpets, and has since graciously offered to pick up any dry cleaning expenses Mr. Hirai may have incurred. Your insistence on selecting the iconic founder of the Microsoft Corporation to take Mr. Harrison’s place is both intelligent and virtuous. Thank you! |
