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Channel Cheat Code Central is on the air. Or at least it will be, starting at the end of this month, as CCC launches its own TV channel through its newly acquired broadcasting network. The channel will feature a variety of gaming related programming aimed at the most coveted demographic, males between the ages of 14-39. Commonly known as CCC, one of the most popular internet gaming sites of all time, the TV channel will also be called CCC and will be assigned 222 as its channel number. The Cs in the title correspond to the 2s on a phone pad, making it easy to remember. Channel 222 will feature interviews, reviews, previews, trailers, cartoons, tournaments, walkthrough demonstrations, and even an exclusive sitcom series about game reviewers starring SNL’s Fred Armisen and Andy Samberg, along with the always-understanding-single-mom played by Reba. “It’s about time we tried to kick some butt in the television market,” says former CCC CEO Arty Hackery, “There’s nothing but junk on TV these days. Besides, kids are freakin’ lazy and they would rather watch TV than play those stupid video games anyway. So we’ll play them for them on TV. We’ll make millions off the commercials and everyone will be happy. Unlike software that can block popups, there’s no avoiding commercials on TV. Sure, kids will have to suffer through shaving commercials and stuff about weight loss and divorce lawyers, but there will also be fun commercials for things like tacos, pizza, and that crappy fruit drink that kids and astronauts are supposed to love.” Through the CCC network, channel 222 will be shown all over the world thanks to the far-reaching power of the internet. “We are going to be broadcasting in three different languages,” says Hackery, “American, English, and Canadian. We noticed there isn’t much difference between the American and Canadian languages, but we will talk slower so the Canadians can have time to understand what we are saying. We’ve been advised to use smaller words and end as many sentences as possible with, eh?” Hackery claims.
Many celebrities have already signed on to lend their face and voice to the new channel for station promos. The list includes Gary Coleman, Jimmy Walker, Joey Fatone, Jerry Springer, and Richard Dawson. “I said there was going to be celebrities, I didn’t say they would be the good ones,” explains Hackery. “Do you have any idea how much a real, honest-to-God celebrity costs these days? Some of these so-called icons want more than twenty-five bucks an hour to stand around and look pretty. Imagine that? Lindsay Lohan can kiss my butt before we start forking out that kind of money. This is a television station, not a damn massage parlor. Not that I know anything about prices in a massage parlor,” Hackery admits. The CCC channel will also be the world’s first interactive TV channel. Viewers can utilize any gaming device with an online connection, allowing them to press the action button to indicate when they think something sucks. “Obviously we don’t want to hear a lot of negativity,” says Hackery, “So we’re just going to disable that feature. People will actually think they’re making a difference, but the truth is we don’t care what they think – and we’ll never know anyway. It’s just better that way,” he adds. |
